I'm going on my sixth year this year (d-date July 1). When I left the world of the advertising industry I knew I was not going back - and only because I knew that GK was life after my resurrection - oh the drama, but really, it was something like that. Even right now, I can say that I can't think of a future without GK. It's something I want to keep doing until death do us part. It's just a great environment to keep living in. You just want to make life better for everyone.
It's been a challenging past three months. We have been planning for a better organization - a stronger, tougher one - ready to take on the problems of the world. :) Well, at least, for the first step - our own problems here in our country. It's been a lot of meetings, many difficult conversations, presentations, tick boxes getting longer and longer - some even remaining unchecked. And, despite all of that, I am still trying to manage the time to get me home in time for the kids. There have been weeks when I could barely hold on and my only prayer was just for the Lord to help me keep it together for just a few more days. And I would survive.
The past few months have been a test of character... and a test of my limits.
Ever since I got kids, it's like I lost a solid grasp of time and personal work output. Sometimes I wonder to myself if it's a choice I had made rather than something I got trapped in. Between pumping for milk at the office and wherever I had meetings and needing to rush home by 6pm, it seemed like I couldn't really go on overdrive. I mean, how can you even think of speeding when you know you'd get to a stoplight within a hundred meters anyway.
I've wrestled with God a number of times, questioning him about situations I face - being in meetings where I ask myself "Why am I here?", or even, "Why did you put me here?". All I would get was only the grace to just go on hoping that some answer would present itself eventually.
One thing I couldn't question though was that he meant me to be here in GK. The clarity of this calling is solid. Even if the memory of that moment of clarity would fade, the conviction will never fade. So no matter the doubts in my mind I have for myself or the task I have in front of me, I have no energy to say no or to fold. At the same time, it is also the reason why I know that I can do anything and be in any place in GK -- and I would be happy and peaceful about it. The irony of it is that I was not happy and peaceful about where I was shortly before I wrote this. So, what was wrong with me.
I just had a nice, short and open talk with my boss just a while ago... just a few minutes into my writing this blog. God has been giving me signals the past few months - most of which I was either just too dense to get or plainly stubbornly not getting. But the talk I had just made everything just land perfectly into place - why I am here and what I need to realize to find my happiness and peace.
Once again I am eternally grateful to have my God with me this year. It's been a tumultuous past few years. I have not been a happy person. But when the year started (and geeze I do not understand why things like this happen on the first day of the year - it's like cheesy), it just felt that I would finally be showered by the grace of God that had slipped away from my fingers. And through the next few days and the coming months, it would come. Thank you dear Father.
Now I feel stronger to face my demons - dang little demons that just won't go away. I'm just like GK this year -- now tougher and more hopeful to take on the rest of the world (well, at least whatever comes my way everyday - that's a good start).
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